When I took on this particular Book Club project, I underestimated how difficult it would be. It’s not hard in that the show itself is somehow impenetrable – I definitely have thoughts on it and it’s not like I’ve been going in cold to this viewing. I’ve had literally years to think about and interpret these stories. It’s a series that hits on a lot of tough subjects, though. The older I get the more I assume that I have guts of steel and can withstand the act of being made to experience or be reminded of upsetting things. I think to some extent that’s true, but there are still times when I’m caught off-guard. For various reasons this past couple of weeks have been rough for me. I won’t elaborate on it too much, but if you’ve been keeping up on United States news you probably have some idea. I only have a certain amount of energy to deal with that kind of material, and when I’m at my emotional limit I’m not inclined to then go watch a very intense anime series in addition to that.
That said, there are also times where I find that my emotions are likely to spill over, and focusing them on anime analysis is just what I need to turn my anger into power. It can be difficult to know where that balance is and sometimes I make mistakes – overdoing it when I should be resting, staying in bed when I should be up and fighting. It’s hard to know just when to do what and how best to honor my boundaries when I’ve also volunteered myself to speak out about difficult topics. Perhaps I’m not as experienced as I like to think I am. Whatever the case may be, I suppose the best thing I can do is to keep trying and learning and improving.