It might seem a little weird for me to have much to say about Zac Bertschy; I’ve never met him, and our online interactions were limited to a few isolated tweets back-and-forth some years ago. But when I learned of his untimely passing yesterday, after the initial shock had began to dull I began to ponder all the ways in which his words and writing had influenced me over the years.
I’ve been a regular reader of Anime News Network ever since I learned that it existed. At the time I really started to come into my own as an anime fan, it was the only English Language website where I felt its news was trustworthy rather than a regurgitation of rumors cobbled together from dubious forum posts. After a while I started to become familiar with the different writers whose reviews and seasonal previews helped build anticipation for new anime seasons and inform my viewings and purchases. Zac’s writing always felt brutally honest to me; he never seemed to mince words or dance around the truth. If he loved something, it was obvious; if he hated something, well… his negative reviews were famous for their hilarious creativity. I believe he used the phrase “zero-effort trash” one time to describe a particularly odious series, and my husband and I continue to use the phrase to this day. Needless to say, Zac seemed unafraid to say exactly what he thought about something, good or bad.
It’s partly that directness that I admired about Zac. As someone who’s faced more than my fair share of harassment, I’ve seen myself slowly shy away from being forthright with some of my more negative opinions. Part of it is that I’m not here to try to make people feel bad, so if I dislike something I tend to stick to the basic traits I take issue with. But a larger reason is that being told to “kill myself” or “get raped” time and time again, for something as simple as having an opinion, is exhausting. I know Zac faced some of this type of “feedback,” because any glance at seasonal preview thread where his reviews made an appearance lays it out. I’m sure he also received plenty of abusive words that never saw the light of day on the public facing part of the website. But seeing him face these sorts of situations bluntly, without giving an inch to angry people with regressive opinions, always made me wish that I had the bravery to stand up more for my own viewpoints.
On the other side of the coin, I think it was even more obvious to outsiders like me when Zac loved something. Whether it was the Escaflowne movie, James Cameron’s recent take on Alita, or this year’s masterful Keep Your Hands off Eizouken, I always felt like it was so easy to become wrapped up in his words when he was passionate about the excellence of a piece of media. As much as reading an impassioned negative review of something can be entertaining, hearing about a beloved film or TV series from someone who truly enjoys it is uplifting and inspiring.
I recall one time, some years ago, when ANN (and Zac specifically) put out a call for new reviewers during ANNCast, and one of the requirements of the position was that he didn’t want to hear from anyone who was a self-described “anime curmudgeon;” he was looking for people who loved anime and came to their writing from that point of view. This was a long time ago, and a comment that would likely be considered a one-off, and yet those words have absolutely influenced me greatly over the years. While I didn’t feel capable of becoming a staff writer for ANN at that time (and at this point in my life I don’t know if that would even still be a possibility), as I’ve continued to enjoy the fandom and blog for my own enjoyment I’ve also endeavored to be the type of fan who welcomes newer fans into the fold rather than serving as some self-appointed gate-keeper. Someone who doesn’t roll my eyes at someone’s inexperience, but instead acts as a guide to help them encounter all the anime that they could potentially fall in love with. From what I’ve read and from how his close friends have spoken about him over the last couple of days, Zac was this type of person – a person who deeply loved media and loved the job he had talking about it. He was the type of person who I continue to try to emulate; maybe someday I’ll be successful.
I regret that I never had the opportunity to meet him. He was, coincidentally, a friend-of-a-friend (with a couple of my friends, no less), but I’m not the type of person to seek out connections like that for my own benefit. But I always hoped to have the chance to let him know in person how he’d influenced me and how much I enjoyed his writing and my heart aches to know that I’ll never have the opportunity to pass that along. In place of that, though, I hope to continue to be a cheerleader for anime and to maybe be “that person” for someone out there who’s just starting out on their anime fandom journey (or who might just be looking for a recommendation or two). I want to help make the fandom a kinder place for those who are marginalized. And I simply want to stand among the many bloggers, critics, and fans, who can point to Zac’s existence as a person and say that they were, at least partly, inspired by him to become something more than just a passive consumer of a medium they love.
In writing all of this, I can’t help but regret my lack of eloquence and the fact that I don’t feel like I can put into words even half of what I’d like to say right now. But I’ll leave my readers with this; if you admire someone, or if there’s someone in your life who’s inspired you in some way, let them know. It might feel awkward to reach out, especially if you don’t already have an established friendship. But there may never be a perfect opportunity for you to let them know about their influence on your life. Many of us are suffering from isolation right now, and the simple act of kindness, of reaching out, is incredibly precious medicine.