If You Can’t Say Something Nice…

Of course we all know how that adage ends – “…then don’t say anything at all.” But that’s difficult to do when you’ve started to make a habit of sharing your anime opinions online. As a hobbyist writer and reviewer, I think it’s important to have a good attitude toward what media you’re examining, but sometimes that can be a challenge and no one can be expected to enjoy everything that they watch. I think fandom spaces in general aren’t always the best spaces for nuanced discourse, because they’re filled with passionate feelings and not everyone is interested in taking a deep look at why they like or dislike certain material. It’s just kind of how it is.

Irina wrote recently about anime fandom’s bad habit of bringing down the level of its own discourse by confusing the act of having negative opinions about a particular anime with expressing negative feelings toward fans of said anime, which is a subject I’ve been forced to think about a lot over the years. Alongside her own thoughts, though, she also issued a challenge: for those of us out in the blogosphere to say something nice about our lowest-rated series on whatever anime tracker we use. I thought that sounded like a fun challenge. Even as a pessimist (don’t mind me, it’s just a coping mechanism), I feel like I’m generally pretty good at finding the silver lining in most of what I watch.

I should note ahead of time, though, that I don’t rate anime that I don’t finish and I tend not to finish too many anime that I really dislike, so this challenge might be easier for me than it might be for someone else who gives scores to just one or a few select episodes of a series. To each their own. I’ve also changed my rating philosophy from one based on some imagined objective scale of “quality” (as if that’s possible for anyone to do) toward one focused more on how much I enjoyed what I watched, so I’m sure my ratings are skewed one way or the other. That said, I think this will probably still make for an entertaining diversion, and I hope you’ll enjoy reading it.

5. Rio: Rainbow Gate

I rated this series a 4 on Anilist, and to be honest it probably doesn’t deserve to be rated that low. I found the show to be actually pretty entertaining despite its goofy premise – a woman working at a casino brings luck to all the players there (and also there’s some kind of collectable card thing going on, too). I thought the odds were supposed to be stacked in favor of the house! Anyway. I’m fairly certain this series is based off of a pachinko slot machine which typically wouldn’t bode well for it having an actual story, but it’s the kind of goofy, bad anime that ends up being wildly funny in spite of its origins. It’s the rare sort of mildly-fanservicey show that isn’t really offensive or uncomfortable (there’s some cheesecake, but if I recall correctly it’s nothing beyond some mild nudity and panty shots – definitely less egregious than some of its contemporaries), it’s just goofy and that’s probably why I found it entertaining enough to finish.

4. Queen’s Blade: The Exiled Virgin

I rated this series, the first season of the Queen’s Blade franchise, a 3, and I don’t necessarily think that’s fair even though the show has some major issues, especially if you prefer your heroines to be significantly less objectified. Basically this entire show is an excuse for almost non-stop fanservice, whether that means nude breasts, oily bodies, or woman-on-woman suggestiveness; a lot of this material was fairly shocking to me at the time. There’s also some moments that read as non-consensual, which I think is specifically what bothered me especially.

On the other hand, despite its shameless pandering toward the male gaze, it’s also a story starring a primarily female cast, all of whom are fighting for something they believe in. The women are strong and skilled, and there a surprising number of different body types for this kind of series. The character designs also are nice to look at (except for Cattleya, who is sort of impossible, but she’s a good mom!), so it’s a little more than the sum of its parts. Problematic, of course (there’s our favorite word), but not entirely without merit.

3. Garzey’s Wing

This one I also rated a 3. This falls into “so-bad-it’s-good” territory, though, because it has one of the most memorable English dubs I’ve ever heard in my life. As sort of a (jokingly, please don’t get mad) subtitle elitist, I don’t tend to listen to English dubs purely out of habit, but this one’s reputation preceded it and I’ll be forever grateful I spent $6 at Rightstuf to buy the DVD before it went entirely out of print. Seriously, my friends and I still quote this one on a fairly regular basis – my friend even named a panel after it at our local convention. It’s great for a laugh, and hopefully once things are back to normal I’ll get to watch it with a big group again sometime.

2. Dogeza: I Tried Asking While Kowtowing

This is low-key fetish porn, so it’s possibly not fair to try to rate it alongside actual series with actual narrative arcs, but I gave this one a 2.5 anyway. My personal feelings are, if something wants to be porn, then it should just be porn rather than trying to shimmy up alongside mainstream entertainment, but that’s just my opinion. Anyway, this series is mostly about some lowly dude begging girls to show him their boobs and underwear, pretty straightforward stuff… but the last episode is the biggest troll I’ve seen in recent memory, and I have to give it props for that. I won’t spoil it, but if you want to see what I’m talking about but don’t have the mental fortitude to watch 11.5 episodes of some annoying creep prostrating himself and being gross, just watch the first and last episode. It’s a good laugh and really cuts to the heart of some of anime’s current issues with homogeneity.

Last, but not least (well, kind of least…) Eiken

So, I rated this series a 1. As someone who nowadays tends to rate anime on a bell curve of sorts, that probably makes this even more damning. This two episode OVA is two episodes worth of – once again – weird fetish porn (this time related to huge boobs) pretending to be an actual show. I first saw episode 1 at an anime club event we call the “Craptacular” where, at the end of every semester we intentionally watch bad or silly stuff and make fun of it. It’s a good stress release. Anyway, after the one episode we watched it was immediately banned from anime club in perpetuity, because it’s just that… amazing. There was screaming, seriously.

But, if I have to say something nice about it, I’d have to compliment it for being so meme-able and memorable (mammary-able?). It’s fun when you can speak the one word title of a show and get everyone around you to writhe in mock agony and then laugh about it. When I think about this series I always remember fondly what was going on in my life at the time and how fun anime club was back then (it’s still fun, but times definitely change and I miss some of the people from that time I haven’t seen since). So in that sense it’s become invaluable to me – inextricably linked to some very good times in my life.

---

Even though I don’t have a reputation as a writer with nothing nice to say (at least I hope I don’t!), I think it’s always a good idea to check our own attitudes when we’re talking about something we ostensibly enjoy. It’s easy to get bogged down in trashing on things we don’t like; I truly understand the allure, because it can be fun in the short term and a cathartic release. But it also pays to be nice, sometimes. If we can find the good in not-so-good anime, well then we can do anything!